Thursday, April 23, 2015

Happy New Year 2, Happy New Year 3: Plot Suggestions

 

Is Abhishek Bachchan writing the sequel of 'Happy New Year'?
Is Abhishek Bachchan writing ‘Happy New Year’ sequel?

Happy New Year 2

चुँकि पहले फिल्म में शाहरुख़ और दीपिका की pairing हो गयी --- तो सब कहते हैं बात आती है शादी की। तो हम तो चोर हैं, शादी में गिफ्ट क्या देंगे? सब कहते हैं गिफ्ट तो स्पेशल होनी चाहिए, ये कोइ छोटी मोटी शादी थोड़े हो रही है? So they decide to steal the Monalisa painting. They do it on a day when there is a massive street festival around the place where the painting is kept. The challenge is not only to steal the painting, but to put a नकली Monalisa in its place. Not only they manage to do it, बाद में किसी को शक नहीं होता। In the final scene of the movie, Shahrukh is sitting in his living room. A friend comes to visit. दिवार पर Monalisa painting है। वैसे तो नकली Monalisa ढेर हैं दुनिया में। दोस्त को लगता है ये भी उसी में से है। शाहरुख़ हाँ में हाँ बोल देता है। "एक तु भी रख ले अपने लिविंग रूम में" कह के बोलता है।

एक साइड प्लाट है। जिस शहर में चोरी करनी है उस शहर में है ऐश्वर्य --- एक NRI graduate student. अभिषेक की उनसे pairing हो जाती है। लेकिन अंतोअंत तक ऐश्वर्य को पता नहीं चलता कि बंदा तो चोर है। काफी कॉमेडी एंगल्स निकलेंगे उस सब प्लाट से।

एक दुसरा सब प्लाट है। टेक्नोलॉजी का। चोरी करने में Augmented Reality का सहयोग लिया जाता है।

Happy New Year 3

सलमान और अमीर Silicon Valley में टेक billionaire हैं --- दोनो IIT में best friends थे। ये दोनों शाहरुख़ को कॉन्टैक्ट करते हैं। कि देख, तुने मोनालिसा चुराया, तेरे को लगता है किसी को पता नहीं चला, लेकिन हमें तो पता चल गया। शाहरुख़ घबरा जाता है, कि तुम लोग हो कौन और चाहते क्या हो? तो जवाब आता है, घबराने की बात नहीं है। सिर्फ एक चोरी और करना है। तो उनको पता ऐसे चला कि जिस Augmented Reality technology का प्रयोग किया गया उसको बनाया सलमान और अमीरके कंपनी ने।

चोरी क्या करना है? Fort Knox का सारा का सारा सोना चुराना है। शाहरुख़ घबरा जाता है, कहता है नयी नयी शादी हुइ है, ये कहाँ फँसा रहे हो भइ? सलमान और अमीर बोलते हैं काम जितना कठिन दिखता है उतना है नहीं। तीनों मिलते हैं फिजी में। फिर से Augmented Reality technology का प्रयोग करना है। युँ समझो टेस्टिंग हो रही है। इतना कटिंग एज टेक्नोलॉजी किसी और के पास है नहीं।

तो चोरी कब होता है? Fort Knox के गार्ड्स के लिए साल में एक बार भव्य सांस्कृतिक कार्यक्रम किया जाता है न्यू इयर के लिए। तो उसमें ये India Wale बुलाये जाते हैं। एक song sequence के दौरान चोरी की जाती है। ७ मिनट का गाना है। ३० सेकंड के बाद एक ५ सेकंड का ब्रेक होता है। उसमें सब गायब हो जाते हैं। Augmented Reality technology के तहत वो सब स्टेज पर मौजुद रहते हैं। फिर गाना खत्म होने के ३० सेकंड पहले चोरी कर के फिर स्टेज पर वापस आ जाते हैं।

चोरी कैसे होता है। Augmented Reality technology का प्रयोग। देखने वालों को लगता है सब जैसे के तैसे है।


सामान बहुत है, चोरी करना है, सिक्योरिटी बहुत ही टाइट है। जहाँ चुहा नहीं घुस के निकल सकता वहां ट्रक का ट्रक ले जाना है। कैसे? Like black magic. सबके आँख पे पट्टी बाँध के। उस पुरे इलाके में, पुरे बिल्डिंग में Augme nted Reality technology का प्रयोग।

तो ये लोग चोरी करेंगे। लेकिन सामान की ढुवानी कौन करेगा? Enter Amitabh. यहाँ रोल है Kevin Spacey जो The Usual Suspects में है। शाहरुख़ को लगता है ये एक mule है, point A to point B सामान पहुंचायेगा। गलत लगता है। चोरी होता है। लेकिन जब सब ट्रक सेफ जगह पहुँचते हैं तो अमिताभ अपना गेम शुरू करते हैं। शाहरुख़-सलमान-अमीर --- तीनो को चकमा दिया जाता है।

सोना का एक एक ईटा एक एक इंडियन को देने का बंदोबस्त रहता है। सोना लो, उसको पिघलाओ और गोल मटोल बनाओ। और भारत ले जाओ। किसी को कस्टम में शक नहीं होता। क्यों कि दुनिया में इमेज है, इंडियन सोना पर फिदा रहता है। सोना पहुँचता है South India के एक मंदिर के बेसमेंट में। वहां अमिताभ का हम शक्ल जुड़वा भाइ पुजारी होता है। पुजारी अमिताभको चोरी के बारे में कुछ मालुम नहीं। वो तो एक सपना देखे हुवे रहता है। सपने में भगवान राम आके कहते है ---- मेरे जन्म भुमि पर side by side मंदिर मस्जिद दोनों बनाओ। वो भी सोने का। तो उतना सोना आएगा कहाँ से?

उसी समय सुप्रीम कोर्ट का आदेश जारी होता है ---- side by side मंदिर मस्जिद दोनों बनाओ। सोना मिलता है बेसमेंट में।

चोरी का पता इसलिए नहीं चलता कि Augmented Reality technology का प्रयोग कर के असली सोने के जगह सोने का इमेज रख दिया गया है। छुओ तो हवा है देखो तो सोना।

राम जन्मभुमि पर side by side मंदिर मस्जिद सोने का बनता है। जितना सोना अंग्रेजो ने भारत से चुराया उससे ज्यादा India Wale चुरा के भारत लाते हैं।

South India के मंदिर के बेसमेंट में उतना ज्यादा सोना मिलने का न्यूज़ दुनिया भर में हैडलाइन में आता है। मंदिर  मस्जिद सोने का बनने का काम शुरू हो जाता है।

तब शाहरुख़ के टीम को शक होता है ---- अरे कहीं ये हमारा सोना तो नहीं? लेकिन कैसे हो सकता है? मंदिर मस्जिद
बन जाने के बाद एक रूटीन इंस्पेक्शन में अमरीका को पता चलता है --- अरे सोना तो गायब है ---- White House में इमरजेंसी मीटिंग बोलाइ जाती है ---- सोना तो गायब है -- क्या किया जाए? कुछ को शक होता है --- लेकिन किया भी जाए तो क्या? निर्णय किया जाता है कि सोना गायब होने की बात स्टेट सीक्रेट ही रहेगी। क्यों कि अगर ये बात बाहर आई तो US currency collapse हो सकती है ----- वैसे भी वो सोना प्रयोग थोड़े होता है? कोइ देखने भी नहीं जाता। लोगो को दिखाने के लिए थोड़ा सोना ला के रख दिया जाता है। लेकिन बांकी Augmented Reality technology वाला सोना ही रहता है।

Mule Amitabh Fiji में रिटायर हो जाता है।

Sunday, April 19, 2015

The Modi Positivity

बहुत लोग कहते हैं, न्यूज़ मत पढ़ो, न्यूज़ में negativity बहुत होता है। मीडिया वाले बढ़चढ़ के दुनिया की सारी खराबियाँ न्यूज़ में परोसते हैं। बेकार में मुड़ ख़राब क्यों करना है? वो सुझाव गलत नहीं है। अब तो सोशल मीडिया के तहत घरघर में से जैसे अख़बार निकलता हो। वैसी नौबत है।

लेकिन मैं जब न्यूज़ में प्रधान मंत्री मोदी के बारे में पढता हुँ तो मेरे मन मष्तिष्क में positive तरंग पैदा होते हैं। मेरा प्रयास रहता है रोज मैं मोदी के बारे में न्यूज़ में थोड़ा बहुत पढ़ लूँ। मेरे मोबाइल फ़ोन पर The Economic Times का ऐप्प मैने download किए हुवा है। ट्रेन पर सफर करते बक्त पढ़ लिया करता हुँ। समय का सदुपयोग भी हो जाता है। ये कहने का जगह भी नहीं रहता कि मोदी ने मेरा वक्त जाया किया। ट्रेन में बैठे लोगो के चेहरे पर ज्यादा देर देखो तो उनके चेहरे पर मीडिया का negativity दिखने लगता है। उससे अच्छा मोदी के बारे में न्यूज़ पढ़ो।

मोदी ने सारे भारत का दिल चुनाव से पहले जिता --- मेरा दिल जिता चुनाव के बाद। मेरे को blame मत करो भाइ --- पैदाइश बिहार की है। नितीश बिहार के मसीहा बन के उभर रहे थे। Land Acquisition Bill तक मैं दोनों को बराबरी पर रख रहा था। लेकिन अब मेरे दिलमें मोदीका पलड़ा भारी है। मैं अब चाहता हुँ मोदीको राज्य सभा में बहुमत मिल जाए ताकि उनको जमीन मिल जाए। ताकि भारत मेरे जीवन कालमें First World Country बन जाए।


Hillary Is No Dynasty

Chelsea, on the other hand.


Monday, April 13, 2015

The “Walking Dead”

When Karl Rove attacked Hillary for being too old, something like that, Bill Clinton went on TV and suggested that if you were to listen to Rove you would think Hillary was a member of the “walking dead.” This was months ago. And his use of that phrase struck me. Because I had used that precise phrase only a few weeks before that. There is this politician Hridayesh Tripathy in Nepal. I have admired him over the years. He wrote me a recommendation letter when I was applying for colleges in America. I was actually one rank below him in a political party with two MPs right before I came to America for college, too young to be running for anything.

Hridayesh had just lost a parliamentary election, actually elections to Nepal’s constituent assembly, its second constituent assembly. (Yes, you read that right. He was a MP back when he wrote the recommendation letter. In the years that followed Nepal ended up with an ultra left group that outshone the Shining Path of Peru. Time warps, political wormholes etc.) He reached out to me on Facebook. He was new to Facebook. Then we got talking on Viber. He was feeling crestfallen. He said he was getting old, and he was thinking of retiring from politics. This was his first electoral defeat.

To console him I said, if he was old, Sushil has to be considered a Walking Dead. Sushil is the current Prime Minister of Nepal, in his 70s, a short, thin Ronald Reagan, if you will, talking strictly of age. Hridayesh is barely past 50.

I preceded Bill Clinton by a few weeks in use of that particular phrase. And it was eery to me because this was probably the fourth or fifth time something like that had happened to me, where I had preceded Bill Clinton. They say serial killers can communicate with each other, even when they are not even aware of each others’ existence. I must be a pretty good student of the US presidency, and my political instincts must be sound.


Sunday, April 12, 2015

Hillary Clinton And The Global Gender Basics

When Hillary Clinton's email "scandal" took over the proverbial airwaves, I chuckled. I had to restrain myself from sending out a blog post missive, Saturday Night Live style, making fun of the fact that no, I don't think Hillary Clinton has sent out 30,000 emails in her lifetime ("Deleter In Chief," one tabloid headline screamed), the number of emails she is "accused" of deleting. I truly don't think Hillary Clinton has written and sent out 30,000 emails in her lifetime. But then when did facts get in the way of fiction in the Clinton "scandals!" Why will they start now?

When the dude Clinton launched his foundation, I feared even his disease trips to Africa might be spun into sex scandals. I am glad it did not happen, at least not to my knowledge. Whereas there are still big chunks of the country  that think the Clintons murdered Vince Foster, and "Whitewatergate" (a small, failed land deal in a part of Arkansas, the remotest American state, that was remote even by Arkansas standards) was the Clinton Enron. Some black folks called Bill Clinton the first black president because the criminal justice system failed him so monumentally. How can Ken Starr do so much damage and get away with it! He is still walking around free!

Pretty much every detail of Hillary Clinton's life is out there. And I still do not underestimate the vast right wing conspiracy's (yes, such a thing exists) ability to stay fascinated by The Hillary. Her candidacy and presidency for that reason will stay interesting to even those who routinely err on the side of thinking she is better than she is.

It truly is about gender. And gender is all around you. Your mother, your grandmother, and her mother, your sister, cousin, daughter, friends, colleagues. There are a lot of women, look around, to paraphrase Larry Summers. The thing about sex is that is how you were born, Hillary once chided a young something reporter.

For me personally, Hillary 2016 only gets interesting after she puts a second woman on the ticket. A minority woman would be perfect. If you think gender is awkward, try race plus gender. I do not expect any of her policy positions to surprise me. I don't expect to "stay glued to the screen." I don't expect to follow closely. I read tech news mostly.

But you can not be the first woman to occupy the most powerful office on the planet, political and otherwise, and pretend you only owe it to those who voted for you. As soon as an American president is sworn in, she is no longer just president of those who voted for her, but also of those who might have voted against her. In this case, Hillary is going to belong to women across the world in ways the German Chancellor simply can not. Her having been Secretary of State and traveled the world so very extensively helps me relate to her. I am a Third World Guy. That is who I am for this lifetime.

And just like Barack Obama to me was about 500 years of world history, Hillary to me is about three and a half billion women. She needs a woman running mate because a woman running for and being president should no longer be news, not after her. It should feel normal. We should enter an era where half the time the best candidate on merits just so happens to be some woman.

FDR won a fourth time. Hillary doing two terms will be Barack Obama pulling a FDR. They are comrades.

On issues for me Hillary 2016 is all about Third World women. Nixon went to China, Hillary went to Burma. I was so impressed by what she was able to do for Burma. Especially because I was not even following the developments until the Big Splash showed up in the news. And I grew up practically next door to Burma.

The basics are pretty simple. Slavery should long have been extinct. But it still exists. Sex slavery should be so past tense, but it exists in huge numbers. There are more women sex slaves today than there were black slaves in Abraham Lincoln's time. Poverty is hard knocks, and micofinance is known to work, and Hillary bought into it a long time ago. Gender violence is cut and dry. It is no grey zone. Policing globally has to reorganize itself to bring an end to gender violence. Violence is violence, inside the home, outside the home, does not matter. Women face it both inside and outside.

And if a capable woman who by now knows the government machineries like the back of her hand (I think she will prove why she got better grades than Bill Clinton at Yale) can not put a firm stamp on these issues, then the world will be waiting a long, long time. I think that wait unnecessary.



Friday, April 03, 2015

बिहार, उत्तर प्रदेश और मोदी/BJP



AAP के दिल्ली sweep करने के बाद मेरे को लगा शायद AAP बीजेपी को २०१७ में UP में challenge कर सके। लेकिन AAP के भितर जो infighting का दौर चला है उससे मेरे को लगने लगा है २०१७ में BJP २०१४ के तरह फिर से UP sweep करेगी। SP का तो बुरा हाल है। जनता परिवार एक हो रही है, ये लोकतंत्र के लिए अच्छी बात है। क्योंकि वो जब फुटे थे तो गलत सतही कारन से फुटे थे। अब एक हो रहे हैं। क्यों कि रास्ता नहीं दिख रहा है। मोदी ने २०१४ में भारत के राजनीति में बहुतो को endangered species बना दिया।

जनता परिवार नीतिश के नेतृत्वमें एक होते तो लगता चलो ये भी development man हैं। लेकिन मुलायम थके हुवे लोग हैं। BJP में आडवाणी, जनता परिवार में मुलायम -- दोनो थके हुवे लोग हैं। Private sector में दोनों को retirement मिल गइ होती। नीतिश को बुरा लगा कि आडवाणी का जगह मोदी ने क्यों ले लिया? इसीलिये वो अपना जगह मुलायम को दे रहे हैं। नीतिश के कारण मुलायम को उत्तर प्रदेश में जित न भी मिल सकती है, लेकिन ये गारंटी है कि मुलायम से नीतीशको बिहार में घाटा है नाफा कोइ नहीं। मुलायम क्लियर कट Non Development Man रहे हैं। उत्तर प्रदेश को मुलायम ने गरीब नहीं बनाया, उत्तर प्रदेश पहले से गरीब राज्य था। लेकिन उस गरीब उत्तर प्रदेश को मुलायम ने ऊँचा भी तो नहीं पहुँचाया। ज्यों का त्यों छोड़ दिया। एक मंडल wave था देश में --- तब मुलायम आगे आए। लेकिन देश में अब एक development wave है। मोदी खुद जन्मसे तेली, बनिया कास्ट में पैदा हुवा आदमी। यदि Mandal का आज कोइ relevance है तो मोदी खुद उसके चेहरा हैं।



तो अभी मेरे को लग रहा है BJP २०१७ में UP sweep करेगी। (१) UP भारतका heartland state है। (२) अब तो UP मोदी का home state हुवा। वाराणसी से MP हैं वो। (३) राज्य सभा में अपना ताकत बढ़ाने के लिए BJP के लिए UP में राज्य सरकार बनाना बहुत जरुरी है।

भारत को Third World Country बनाने में UP और बिहार का बहुत बड़ा हाथ है। जनसंख्या दोनों का इतना ज्यादा है। गरीबी इतनी ज्यादी है। नहीं तो गुजरात को देखो तो वो युरोप के  दो चार देशको छोड़ कर बाँकी सबसे आगे है। तो मोदी के सपने के लिए UP, बिहार और Northeast का बहुत बड़ा strategic महत्व है।

UP तो sweep है। Bihar is less clear cut. But there also there are no guarantees Nitish will win. Laloo and Nitish coming together does not necessarily mean they will win. Yahoo and Microsoft coming together on search did not make a dent in Google's market share. The opposite happened. Google's share increased. They might win. But again, they might not.



I think Modi is using the Land Acquisition Bill as a wedge issue to pry open the state governments in Bihar and Uttar Pradesh from his opposition's hands. He will sell the Bill hard on the campaign trail. I mean, he won me!

Bihar later in the year is not like Delhi. In Bihar it is a coin toss right now. It could go either way. And if the tilt is far enough, it might even lead to a sweep.

I am beginning to think perhaps Nitish walking away from the BJP two years back was a bad move. For the first major politician in India to have called Modi a future Prime Minister, he perhaps miscalculated. He might be months away from political retirement. That will be a Shakespearean tragedy. He has been the best Bihari Chief Minister of my lifetime.


Saturday, March 28, 2015

What Is Racism?

In Jeopardy, why do contestants have to answer in the form of a question? Is there some background to this quirky / obscure feature of the TV quiz show? Does it help quiz dynamics somehow? Is it simply a marketing device to differentiate the show from others? Do people like it?
I was Barack Obama's first full time volunteer in all of New York City. In some other country I might have been a Head of State myself. But I don't have a country. And I don't see me ever run for public office. I did not volunteer because I had political ambitions. I did not volunteer because I wanted to go to the White House, get a political job. Nothing like that. For me it was about 500 years of world history. I had been the only full timer Nepali in America to have worked for Nepal's spectacular democracy movement in 2005-06. And then the Madhesi Movement that followed. For me Obama 2008 was a continuation. I was going to put in my effort and then I was going to do tech entrepreneurship. When they nabbed me the precise day Hillary lost, my tech startup had 100K in the bank. The round 1 goal was 100K, and the goal had been met. The goal had been met months ago. But I wanted to see it through. I could not tear myself apart from the primary process unless I had seen Barack through. It was an entrepreneurial mistake: my then tech startup died in the process. But that's okay. It is not like I had a choice.

And I have stayed away in the aftermath. People don't think immigration detention. People think jail. I was obscure before, during and after. But I did not want to become an issue, however small. Being behind bars is politically radioactive. But I was done. As long as he got sworn in, that is all I had wanted. And I got it.

You can't put anyone behind bars for more than 24 hours unless you sentence him, so it was a human rights violation by international standards, but who cares about human rights, right? They did not read me my Miranda rights, either. China was known to snoop on citizens. Ends up America does it too! The scales don't even compare!

They had me disappear the precise day Hillary lost. The Machine did not lack poetry, did it? They let me out a few days after McCain was beat. It felt so political.

What I was accused of was considered light. The accusation was wrong. It talked of "hundreds of emails." If that phrase ever entered the judicial process, that was material for the crime of false allegation. There might have been 10 emails. After they got me out, the system had another guy go before me, he was sentenced to 10 hours of community service, something like that. Even if what I was accused of had validity, the system made a point to show me, it was light. But the system never intended to prove I was guilty.

There was a court order to not contact the person. I never did. I sent an email to these two other individuals -- I must have attended 100 plus events organized by the two during the preceding years -- and that email was interpreted as a court order violation.

The court appointed attorney belonged to the machine, not me.

For a harassing communication charge that they never had to prove, for a court order violation I never committed, they nabbed me. The idea was to get me in the immigration net and drop the light charge they never intended to prove.

Suddenly I am a petty thief to the system, rubbing shoulders with murderers, drug lords, mischiefs, bank robbers.

When they first came for me, the police officers were talking among themselves: "Who IS this guy?" As in, why are high level police officers and politicians' offices interested in him?

Top police officers downtown were involved. Charlie Rangel's office was involved. And if he was not personally involved, he should say so, I have badmouthed him in the loudest terms to give him an opportunity to come clean. Say you were not involved.

2008 immigration detention was the worst experience of my life. Nothing worse has ever happened to me. But I will take it. If I can put a black guy in the White House. Which I did. To me it is about 500 years of world history, although I like the guy plenty. I feel love for him. And he has been a great president.

Once they let me out, I get an email from a Co-Chair of the New York State Democratic Party inviting me to an event, if I show up, now that would have been a court order violation. Why would she do something like that?

And if she would, why are my fellow Obama 2008 volunteers not seeing this? And if they are not seeing this, do they mean anything to me anymore? I stayed away from Obama 2012. I did not have comrades. I might as well face the fact.

The recession feels like it might be over. And it bit me hard. I was not exactly living fancy before, but the recession years were tougher. But this year feels different. Things are beginning to happen. I am laying the foundations for the SuperEntrepreneur thing. All the motherfuckers who were involved in 2008, I have a message for you, you got yourself a script for Slumdog Billionaire. Just like those kids, I was also born in Bihar. Democracy gets rough in Bihar. You don't know rough. It is still Gangs Of New York time in Bihar. I will tough it out.

And I have to let it out, because I am sick and tired of these white tweedle dee tweedle dums in the US Senate projecting crash, crude racism at the black guy in the White House. You mean, you are going to act racist when you meet the black guy in the streets of Ferguson, and you are going to act racist when you meet the black guy in the White House! Nah! Not taking it lying down. There will be a fight. If we fought you in 2008, and 2012, we will fight you into infinity. So help me God. It is one of those things. Some of us paid a pretty steep price to get this guy into the White House, and don't you disrespect! We live in a global world now. It is not your mama's world we live in.

Barack Obama And Africa
Obama On Kimmel
Dear Ayatollah
A Racist Act By The US Senate


दिलीप कुमार ---> अमिताभ ---> शाहरुख़/सलमान/अमीर ---> दीपिका





Barack Obama And Africa


Barack Obama has been a successful president by any measure. But one place where he has missed the mark is in actively being the first black president.

The African American salvation does not lie in America. It lies in Africa. Unless the continent of Africa does what China has done, the African Americans will continue to be a sorry lot inside this country. It is sad that a black man can be in the White House, supposedly the most powerful office on the planet, and apparently be helplessly at the receiving end of the most open, the most stupid, the most crude racist attacks by the white guys in the US Senate. The whole world is watching. The message to black America can NOT be, racism is just reality, just put up with it. That defeats the purpose of putting a black guy in the White House.

Barack Obama can do much to help the continent of Africa try and achieve China like, and now India like, economic strides. He has not done much at all.

You are not white. You are black. Let Africa see that.